11 Books That Shine a Light on Infertility

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Infertility can be an extreme hardship for couples. You dream of the day you’ll be ready for a child, and then you’re unable to conceive when that time arrives. This struggle isn’t uncommon: 12 percent of married couples in the U.S. grapple with infertility, according to the National Infertility Association. But knowing that doesn’t make infertility any less difficult.

It’s common knowledge that infertility and infertility treatments can have many unpleasant physical side effects, but the psychological side effects are often overlooked. Money stress, medication side effects, and the general stress of not being able to conceive can cause relationship strain, anxiety, and depression, according to Harvard Medical School. Fortunately, other women and couples have gone through this experience before, and support is available.

We’ve rounded up eleven books that tell various stories of infertility, and can provide comfort during this trying time.

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Taking Charge of Your Fertility

Taking Charge of Your Fertility is one of the most well known books on infertility. This twentieth anniversary edition is updated with up-to-date medical advice and treatments. Written by women’s health educator Toni Weschler, the book includes sections on understanding how fertility works and how to get in control of it to increase your chances of conception.

Read More : SavingNext

Unsung Lullabies

The physical aspects of infertility are merely one piece of the puzzle. For many couples, the stress and psychological trauma are the hardest part. In Unsung Lullabies, three physicians who specialize in reproductive health give patients the tools to navigate this difficult time. From learning to grieve after miscarriages, to learning to better communicate with one another, couples can take this journey together.

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Ever Upward

Justine Brooks Froelker didn’t triumph over infertility by getting pregnant and having a child. When it became apparent that it wasn’t going to happen for her, she triumphed by redefining what happiness looks like. Infertility can be a journey that dramatically impacts your entire life. For those who never conceive, this volume can provide great comfort and insights.

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Empty Womb, Aching Heart

Some of the most comforting words can come from people who’ve lived through the very thing you’re battling. In Empty Womb, Aching Heart, men and women share their personal journeys with infertility. You’ll find comfort, wisdom, and solace from other people’s struggles and triumphs.

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The Infertility Companion

When dealing with infertility, or any difficult time, many people turn to their faith. The Infertility Companion is a project of the Christian Medical Association. In these pages, the authors provide hopeful messages along with Biblical references. They also answer tough questions like: “Can people of faith ethically use high-tech infertility treatments?”

How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup

As you might guess from the title, this book is written for men dealing with infertility. The book makes light of some of the struggles associated with male infertility, but among the jokes you’ll find comfort and help. It answers the tough questions all men have when walking this path, such as why boxers are better than briefs, and whether you need to fill the entire plastic cup at the clinic.

It Starts with the Egg

If you’re a science geek, or merely like understanding the nitty-gritty details of what’s going on inside your body, you’ll likely enjoy this book. The subtitle says it all: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF. In it, you’ll learn all about the latest research on egg health and fertility treatments. For those who’ve had unsuccessful infertility treatments, this book could hold some answers.

Conquering Infertility

Conquering Infertility from Dr. Alice D. Domar is a mind-body guide to living with infertility. Because psychological stress can affect fertility and vice versa, this manual helps women break that cycle. It gives them the tools they need to stay positive and avoid the depression and anxiety so often associated with the journey of infertility.

Inconceivable

If you’re looking for a “how to get pregnant” book, this isn’t it. Writer Julia Indichova simply wants to share her experience—and if you’ve dealt with infertility for any length of time, it’s likely an experience you’ll identify with.

Wish

Wish is unlike any other infertility book. It’s an illustrated book written for parents and their miracle babies alike. The story follows an elephant couple that wants to add to their family, but the elephants run into difficulties. Illustrated by Matthew Cordell, it’s a heartwarming story that’s sure to be loved by everyone in the family.

The Infertility Journey

Featuring both personal stories and medical advice, The Infertility Journey combines the science behind infertility with the realities of people who live with it. You’ll learn about things like IVF, endometriosis, genetic screening, uterine disorders, and a whole host of treatments. Consider it a primer on everything you’d want to know about infertility, but not written for medical students. It’s approachable and informative.

Self-Care for IVF: 5 Women Share Their Experiences

It’s said that fertility issues affect up to 15 percent of American couples. For those struggling with infertility, in vitro fertilization (IVF) can offer another option for becoming pregnant.

During this process, eggs are taken from a person’s ovaries and fertilized with sperm. The resulting embryo can then either be frozen or implanted in the person’s uterus.

According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, almost one million babies were conceived through IVF as of 2014. But the process can be taxing. The average IVF cycle alone costs more than $12,000.

In addition to the financial strain, the person undergoing treatment is left to deal with the physical and mental stress that can accompany IVF.

Whether you’re about to begin your IVF journey or are currently in the middle of an IVF cycle, self-care can provide a great way to cope with what can be an emotionally draining experience.

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To help you figure out how to incorporate self-care into your daily routine, we’ve asked five women to offer their own self-care tips during IVF. Here’s what they had to say.

This interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.

What does self-care mean to you, and why is it so important during IVF?

Valerie Bouchand: In preparing for IVF cycles, self-care for me involved a ton of research on what exactly IVF was, how the body best responds to medications, and how I could maximize my chances of success. I learned what components of caring for myself would contribute to the highest rate of success and what would contribute to failure.

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Jessica Hepburn: Self-care means proactively looking after your physical and mental health and recognizing how important it is to do that both for yourself and the people around you. It’s absolutely essential during IVF because it’s one of the toughest things you’ll go through in your life.

Amy Belasen Draheim: Self-care means de-stressing, decompressing, and finding ways to cope with emotions and doubts that creep in, especially during times of stress and uncertainty.

Self-care was so important during IVF because an infertility diagnosis can be emotionally taxing. It can be a rollercoaster of highs and lows.

It can be physically demanding and mentally draining, and committing to self-care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself at any time, but especially during IVF.

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What are some things you did for self-care during IVF?

Lisa Newton: The most important thing I did for self-care during IVF was to clear my schedule. During my first cycle, I tried to keep everything normal and it just didn’t work.

When the cycle failed, I had no room to grieve and recoup. For my subsequent cycles, I cleared my calendar of anything nonessential.

This allowed me the space I needed to go to appointments without rushing or scheduling conflicts. It gave me room to do things that relaxed and uplifted me and allowed me to process and grieve when our second cycle failed.

Jennifer Palumbo: I did little things that made me feel “in control.” Being diagnosed with infertility, and whether or not I’d ever get pregnant, were all out of my control.

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But there were certain things I did that I could control and made me feel better: having a fun folder to keep all of my IVF cycle paperwork in — I chose a Wonder Woman folder of course; making an inspiring music playlist to listen to while going to and from the clinic; and, believe it or not, naming each cycle with a fun thematic name.

Amy: During IVF, and in the year prior, I visited my acupuncturist weekly, ate fertility-friendly foods, tapered down my hot yoga habit and began practicing yoga at home, walked my dog daily, and practiced meditation before bed.

I took weekly baths (not too hot), gardened, and found time to travel with my husband despite our busy schedules.

What’s one piece of advice you would give to someone currently in the process or about to begin the process of IVF?

Jennifer: Do whatever you need to do to buy yourself five minutes of happiness during the process. Seriously. Buy a lollipop, get a manicure, don’t pick up the phone if you don’t want to, take that nap, watch your favorite show.

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If you need to put yourself first while going through an IVF cycle to get through it, that’s okay. And you don’t need to feel bad about it. You’re still fabulous, and this is about staying sane under hormonal circumstances.

Lisa: My best piece of self-care advice would be to figure out what you need to do in order to “fill your cup.” For me, it was clearing my schedule.

For some people, it might be spending time with friends or adding more fun commitments like girls’ nights out or more date nights. It will probably be different for each person.

Amy: Don’t be afraid to let people in. Talk to a professional. My acupuncturist was that person. She laughed with me and cried with me. She saw me through it all — for a full year before the IVF transfer and throughout my pregnancy after the transfer.

She was a sounding board every step of the way, and she became my therapist and my friend. But talk to your family, too. For years, I didn’t share my struggle with my parents and siblings. When I finally let them in, their support was exactly what I needed.

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Jessica: Don’t give up “Project You” for “Project Baby.” IVF is a miracle science that has given many people the families they dream of, but it doesn’t work every time for everyone, and the journey can be long and hard.

So, whatever you do, don’t lose sight of the other things you want for your life and that make you feel happy about being alive.

I discovered open water swimming and went on to swim the English Channel, which you can read about in my new book, “21 Miles: Swimming in Search of the Meaning of Motherhood.” It was the best self-care I ever did and changed my whole life for the better!

9 Ways to Give the Gift of Self-Care

Because…’tis the season to be overscheduled, exhausted, and stressed out!

Self-care isn’t just a holiday thing — or a winter thing. It’s an all-year, all-the-time thing.

Those who have discovered the art of self-care know it’s the one essential thing you need to do before you can truly have the energy, focus, and strength to care for others, be they partners, parents, children, or friends.

Never underestimate the power of self-care… or the power of a gift that helps you or a loved one do it right.

Read More : The Jeffrey Deskovic Foundation For Justice

These lovely handmade self-care kits (courtesy of the wonderful makers on Etsy) are just the thing to leave under someone’s tree this season.

1. Tiny Self Care Kit from Hope the Black Dog

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2. You Are Loved Self Care Kit from Gratia Box Co.

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3. Facial Mask Spa Gift Set from Odette & Joni

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4. Deluxe Pamper Gift Set from Naturally Beautiful

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5. The Anxiety Box from The Sick Box

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6. Stress Relief Set from Herbal Chest

7. Good Vibes Gift Set from Peace Organics

8. Palo Santo Love Bundle from Earth Medicine Herbals

9. Self-Love Spray Set from Ritual Elements

For Anyone Who Didn’t Think They’d Make It This Year

You survived. And I, for one, am so glad that you did.

Health and wellness touch each of us differently. This is one person’s story.

The year had only just begun when I heard my psychiatrist, his voice quiet on the other end of the phone, telling me to go to the emergency room.

“Will you go?” he asked me.

And I remember in that moment feeling like my cells were crawling and clawing in my body. The mere state of “being” was painful. I wanted to ask that doctor if he knew what he was asking me to do. How could he ask me to stay when everything hurt this much?

Read More : The Jeffrey Deskovic Foundation For Justice

I can remember a time when I couldn’t think of one good reason not to jump in front of the next train.

Years later, I’m in awe of how things change

There were a million reasons not to.

Here’s what I would have missed: Trying my first veggie burger at Burger King.

Learning I had obsessive-compulsive disorder. Eating sushi for the first time. Getting the first job that I’ve ever loved.

Finding the best therapist I’ve ever had. Adopting a cat named Pancake that makes my heart so much fuller. Discovering how much I love yoga and learning more about astrology.

Buying the best pair of boots I’ve ever owned. Listening to Lorde’s best album and witnessing Kesha’s… everything.

Holding a dear friend’s hand while they waited for an ambulance. Crying with my partner when their father died. Learning a best friend’s new name. Trying out the word “no” for the first time. Looking in the mirror at my body and feeling gender euphoria for the first time.

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Figuring out (finally) that I actually am an introvert. Remembering what it feels like to believe in magic (and making a little magic of my own).

All the times I picked up the phone when someone needed me. All the times I said the right thing to someone that needed to hear it. All the times my being here made someone else feel like they should stay.

All the times I said “I love you” and had the honor of hearing back, “I love you, too.”

All of the many, many moments this year when I woke up and thought: “I’m so glad I’m still here”

It wasn’t easy. I relapsed spectacularly. I had to leave (what I thought was) my dream job. I almost lost my apartment along with it, and came within an inch of losing everything else.

I had to watch Trump celebrate his inauguration on a flickering screen in a psych ward, next to a poster from 1995 with “stress-busting” tips like, “Stop worrying so much.”

I was in that hospital for a week. In the last two days, it rained so hard that my ceiling leaked, drenching my group therapy handouts on the shelf below. You know, the handouts that were supposed to teach me how to be well again.

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And for a moment, I remember being flustered, thinking that maybe I should just throw them away.

I laid them out carefully to dry.

When I was discharged, I brought them home with me. And I started to rebuild, day by day

If you’re reading this, it’s probably safe to say it wasn’t easy for you this year, either.

I won’t presume to know why and I won’t tell you how to feel. But from one survivor to another, there were a couple of things I wanted to shout out into the big internet void, hoping maybe the right person will read them.

Because you and I? We got through it. And the mere act of being here is a tremendous thing.

1. You are remarkably strong

How do I know that? I guess I don’t exactly. But I have a hunch. Because it takes real strength to keep yourself alive, especially when your brain isn’t cooperating. You’ve had years now to throw in the towel, and yet, here we both are.

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And yes, I suspect there were setbacks and close calls and tantrums, even, and all of that is valid. There was rage and grief, because if life is anything, it’s definitely not fair.

I don’t doubt that it took everything in you — maybe even things you aren’t proud of — to keep going. And looking at where you are now, you may feel scared that you don’t have what it takes to rebuild.

But you’re here. Holy sh**. You’re still here. And of all the jobs you have, staying alive is the most important one. You had the guts and resilience it took to survive this year. That was you.

Sometimes it was recklessly running into battle because, f*** it, what do I have to lose? Sometimes it was having an impulse, and choosing the less destructive one instead.

And sometimes it was swallowing the pills you didn’t want to take, dragging yourself out of the bed you didn’t want to leave, or slowly sipping that nutritional shake to make sure your body had something, anything to sustain itself.

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Whatever you had to do, you did it. And you should be so, so proud of that.

2. You belong here

There have been more moments than I can count when I wondered if I ever should’ve been born. If there was really a place for me in this world. If someone like me could exist someplace like this.

That’s been an open wound from the moment I realized I wasn’t like most people (though, to be truthful, I have to wonder if there was ever a time I didn’t feel that way).

I was queer, I was transgender, I was traumatized, I was sensitive, and by most accounts, I was crazy.

I certainly wasn’t the kid my parents were expecting. And I was never going to be the kind of person this world was built for.

I was lucky to find people, though, who taught me that while this world wasn’t built for us, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for us here.

And we might be a little rough around the edges. We might be a little wild, a little unsteady, and a little weird. But we find ways to grow no matter where we’re planted.

Some of us make art, create zines, speak in poems. Some of us throw our bodies on the line for shit that matters. We speak truth to power, we stare down our fears and our demons, we exist despite everything that tells us we should not.

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We show up for one another. We take up space. And we keep trying, knowing that there are kids like us growing up in the world that are going to need us to look up to.

We keep trying for them, the way we wished someone had been there for us.

…one of them was probably born, just now. (Let’s hope they find themselves a little faster than it took for us to find ourselves.)

This is the legacy we’re here to build, the legacy we’ll someday hand down to them.

3. Please be gentle with yourself

Be gentle. Be soft.

There is an inner child within all of us, I think. Someone who’s doing their best in a scary world they were never prepared to enter. Someone who, every day, is hanging on tight as life does what it does best — changes.

And just when we think it’s settled, it changes some more. Sometimes for the best, but often for the hell of it, and almost never in the ways that we expect.

You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to be messy, emotional, unsure. You are allowed to be afraid (in fact, I’d be surprised if you weren’t). And being human in all of these ways? That doesn’t make you “too much,” no matter what anyone else says.

You deserve compassion. You deserve patience, understanding. You deserve all the space and support you require to grow.

It’s easy to ruminate on what you wish you’d done, or the ways in which you disappointed yourself or someone else. That’s a feeling I know all too well. I think everyone, especially folks with mental health struggles, knows how that feels (which isn’t exactly comforting, but hey, at least you’re in good company).

I hope that when you find yourself going there, you remember what I’m telling you now: You are worthy of kindness and care. And whenever you can, I hope you’ll give yourself permission to receive it.

4. You aren’t alone

I don’t say this to you as an empty platitude or promise. I say this because it’s the truth.

Mental illness and trauma can so easily cut us off from our connection to the outside world, making everything and everyone feel like it’s a million miles away.

But feeling lonely is not the same as being alone. And I can almost guarantee you that someone out there has walked in those same shoes before — or at least wears the same size.

This year, I was finally diagnosed with “pure obsessional,” a very difficult form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I spent a lot of years with painful and confusing obsessions that I couldn’t control — and it convinced me that I was some kind of monster, the sort of monster that no one could ever understand.

When I got my diagnosis, a whole new world slowly opened up to me. I started to learn just how many people in the world were a lot like me, even people that I knew and talked to every day.

Shame and stigma are like a fog sometimes. We can see ourselves and our struggles so clearly, but it’s difficult to see anybody else.

But that doesn’t mean other folks aren’t out there.

And if you keep searching, keep reaching out, the figures in the distance will become clearer. There is someone that’s been waiting for your story.

I know it’s terrifying to venture out into that fog, not knowing who’s out there. I know it’s scary to be vulnerable, to ask for help, or to share a piece of yourself with someone else. More than once, I’ve wished I could gather up the words I just said and shove them all back into my mouth.

But then someone says those words — “I thought I was the only one,” “You feel that way, too?” or my personal favorite, “YES!” with a bunch of frantic hand motions or snapping — and it suddenly feels worth it.

Or at the very least, it gives us just enough courage to keep venturing out.

So here’s to this year and everything it took for us to survive it

And the next one, too, whatever it may bring. Here’s to another year of stumbling through the fog. Here’s to all the people who waved their flashlights, giving us something to follow. Here’s to all the shoulders we cried on, and the right words that came at the right time.

For what it’s worth — and I really hope it’s worth something — some very tender boy in California (hello, that’s me!) sends his love.

You survived. And I, for one, am so glad that you did.

What Are the Benefits of Hugging?

We hug others when we’re excited, happy, sad, or trying to comfort. Hugging, it seems, is universally comforting. It makes us feel good. And it turns out that hugging is proven to make us healthier and happier.

According to scientists, the benefits of hugging go beyond that warm feeling you get when you hold someone in your arms. Read on to find out how.

1. Hugs reduce stress by showing your support

When a friend or family member is dealing with something painful or unpleasant in their lives, give them a hug.

Scientists say that giving another person support through touch can reduce the stress of the person being comforted. It can even reduce the stress of the person doing the comforting

In one study of twenty heterosexual couples, men were given unpleasant electric shocks. During the shocks, each woman held the arm of her partner.

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Researchers found that the parts of each woman’s brain associated with stress showed reduced activity while those parts associated with the rewards of maternal behavior showed more activity. When we hug someone to comfort them, these parts of our brain may show a similar response.

2. Hugs may protect you against illness

The stress-reducing effects of hugging might also work to keep you healthier.

In a study of over 400 adults, researchers found that hugging may reduce the chance a person will get sick. The participants with a greater support system were less likely to get sick. And those with the greater support system who did get sick had less severe symptoms than those with little or no support system.

3. Hugs may boost your heart health

Hugging can be good for your heart health. In one study, scientists split a group of about 200 adults into two groups:

• One group had romantic partners hold hands for 10 minutes followed by a 20-second hug with each other.
• The other group had romantic partners who sat in silence for 10 minutes and 20 seconds.

People in the first group showed greater reductions in blood pressure levels and heart rate than the second group.

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According to these findings, an affectionate relationship may be good for you heart health.

4. Hugs can make you happier

Oxytocin is a chemical in our bodies that scientists sometimes call the “cuddle hormone.” This is because its levels rise when we hug, touch, or sit close to someone else. Oxytocin is associated with happiness and less stress.

Scientists have found that this hormone has a strong effect in women. Oxytocin causes a reduction in blood pressure and of the stress hormone norepinephrine.

One study found that the positive benefits of oxytocin were strongest in women who had better relationships and more frequent hugs with their romantic partner. Women also saw positive effects of oxytocin when they held their infants closely.

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5. Hugs help reduce your fears

Scientists have found that touch can reduce anxiety in people with low self-esteem. Touch can also keep people from isolating themselves when reminded of their mortality.

They found that even touching an inanimate object — in this case a teddy bear — helped reduce people’s fears about their existence.

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6. Hugs may help reduce your pain

Research suggests some forms of touch may be capable of reducing pain.

In one study, people with fibromyalgia had six therapeutic touch treatments. Each treatment involved light touching on the skin. The participants reported an increase in quality of life and reduced pain.

Hugging is another form of touch that may help reduce pain.

7. Hugs help you communicate with others

Most human communication occurs verbally or through facial expressions. But touch is another important way that people can send messages to one another.

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Scientists have found that a stranger was capable of expressing a wide range of emotions to another person by touching different parts of their body. Some emotions expressed include anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, happiness, sadness, and sympathy.

Hugging is a very comforting and communicative type of touch.

How many hugs do we need?

Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” While that may sound like a lot of hugs, it seems that many hugs are better than not enough.

So, how many hugs should you have a day for optimal health? According to the best science, we should have as many as possible if we want to reap the greatest positive effects.

Unfortunately, most Western people today — especially people in the United States — are touch-deprived. Many people live solitary or busy lives with reduced social interaction and touching.

Our modern social conventions often push people not to touch others who aren’t directly related to them. However, it seems people could benefit a lot from touching others a bit more.

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So, if you want to feel better about yourself, reduce your stress, improve communication, and be happier and healthier, it seems that giving and asking for more hugs is a good place to start.

If you feel nervous about seeking out more hugs, start by asking for them from friends and family members closest to you first.

Science proves that regular hugs with those closest to you, even if brief, can have especially positive effects on your brain and body.

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